Professor Johann Galapogos (johnsolo) wrote,
Professor Johann Galapogos

Fiction Sandwich

This is a miscontrued story with Dave and I switching author every other paragraph. This story actually happened.

I received my cape in the mail along with a pack of Chinese stars and a piece of paper that read: Ronald use these and attend the vampire swingers club at the elitist hobnob gala. Beware you're not invited.
"Interesting", myself said to myself
I liked crashing parties anyway. I threw on my cape, attached the Chinese stars to my belt, and tied a long black sock around my head for added effect. If I was going to hobnob it at the gala I better be prepared for anything. Anything from slightly under dated, bad-natured wine to ridiculous bla-bla conversation with Chester that babbling swine. Oh well... I took a stroll- the vampire club was right down the street. Something caught my eye as I walked past an alley- a florescent blue sign that scribbled out "INTENSE DANCE VIBES" above a door. Without a second chance, I let a few Chinese stars assail through the air and sever the metallic wire that held the sign up. Sparks dazzled from the alley. "Whew," I thought; it had been years since I last practiced Ninja with Sensei Yokosuma in the mountains of Tibet. I kept on walking. Another triumph for the sane world.
I reached knob hill and decided to take the back door. I jumped the fence and threw my black cape over me immediately on the arrival of a guard.
"Who's there", he barked. He couldn't tell me from kosher bacon, I had become the night.
Just then he noticed three metallic stars sticking from his chest and the over whelming need for permanent sleep. I on the other hand had moved on to scaling half way up the old castle, better known as the hobnob gala. Two figures with short swords guarded a window. I decided on sharing the bottom of my martial arts shoes with their necks. They quickly jumped up as I landed a flip and spun around meeting their terror. Before I could finish a smile, I had one in a sleeper hold and the other stumbling from seven blows to the chest and head. They both dropped simultaneously as I slipped into the hall. A single light shown from a room. As I approached, I could here the evil festivities in the ballroom a few floors below me. I twisted a peek into the room and gasped.
On the table lay a copy of Jawbreakers! What Debauchery!! What goes on in this house anyway??! I quickly threw in into the blazing furnace that lighted the room and tried to erase the front cover from my memory. Someone needed to pay. Thank god I still had a Chinese star left. Now to settle this. I decided to go for a ride and hopped on to the banister in front of me. I picked up speed and curved through twists and turns of the wood work- up, down, loopdeloop till the banister met its end and I was propelled out into the open air above the ballroom, sensing one big blur of debauchery below. Something flashed before me and I grabbed it - a rope. Echoes from the flabbergasted crowd ensued. 'Ha!' I screamed as the rope swung me to an open spot next to the candy corner table. I landed.
"I say w-we-what is all this", spoke a tubby old chap dressed in corny class. It was none other than Chester godfree.
"Chester you dog", I piped, "anything you want to tell the crowd, like maybe why you have an opened copy of jawbreaker in your study. Then I realized, embarrassingly that I was not at the vampire club at all, but at the jawbreaker reunion party. "Damn".

"Seize him," a voice yelled. I looked and noticed it came from a small figure on the floor clothed in a king's robe. The figure turned around and the crowd began mumbling and whispering in disbelief it was fat cat!
"Seize him and take him to my quarters", spoke his fatness.
Bam! Just then, a book crashed down on my desk and I awoke. I was back in 5th grade math class with miss skabado double damn! Class went on for another 5 hours and then I grabbed my lunch box and made my way to the bus. I noticed an odd weight to my lunch box. I opened it and gazed on an odd looking piece of paper that read: meet me at the lard convention I'll be the only one that looks like a Persian cat. I decided to skip the bus and hot-wired a vespa but as I sped toward the convention, I decided to stop for a hair cut. And that turned out to be a big mistake since the barber chair was really a small time machine when I sat in it I was thrown in a tornado of madness. This went on for 2 minutes as I slowly cam to a stop. I opened my eyes and couldn't believe were I was

"Jordan, who made the mess downstairs?" Dave Eilbert stood in front of me. He was looking at me. Something's not right. I glanced around. Why's he talking to me? I don't remember my arm looking this fatUh oh. I looked down at a Scooby doo shirt with a small belly protruding out. No this can't be. "No what Jordan. Are you going to clean it up or sit there dumbfounded." I can't beJordan!!!!!!!!! I ran for the door screaming "Get me out of this madhouse!" Things whirled through my mind. Why was everything so big? I ran out the door. "The old house! And I'm Jordan!" Ahhhhhhhhhh! I ran screaming out to the caral and saw Doug in tight-ass sweatpants. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" I started running the other way.
"Jordan, why do you always act like this," replied Doug as I toppled over onto the grass trying to make sense of it all. Suddenly the horse caral fence in front of me burst and splintered into a million pieces as hundreds of horses started stampeding out led by a monstrous black stallion rode by Gail wielding a serpent whip!!! I tried to dash for cover but I was too overweight, dammit. And then a flying hoof came at me- WACK!

I awoke to two orange eyes

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